bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
