the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
