well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
