I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
