I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
