Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
