Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
