He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
