Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
