:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
