i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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