as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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