Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
