My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
