Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
