What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
