I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
