my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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