you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
