It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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