he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
so much tequila, so little girl.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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