Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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