I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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