i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
