For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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