Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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