I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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