So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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