I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
