i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
