your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
