i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
