If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
operation harelip BJ is a go
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
