she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
