where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
