I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
