How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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