Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
