So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
