I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
