Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
