meet me or not, i'm out of control
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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