I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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