New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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