...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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