I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We are two peas in an std pod
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
