you mean i was at the winter classic?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
