through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my moral compass just broke
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