My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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