I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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