My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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