I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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