My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Send help, water and tortillas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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