dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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