She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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