I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
