I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
