Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
