So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
