He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
