So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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