so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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