Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
